May 31, 2009
I’ve been blessed to have been born with a modicum of talent and my father and mother instilled in me a most unforgiving work ethic and a desire to achieve an unreasonable form of perfection. They did so by abandoning me in my pre teen and teenage years. I had to win college scholarships, run the mile in four minutes, and draw like Rembrandt just to break through their alcoholic gambling stupor and get an attentive nod. To this day I have never been able to run fast enough or draw good enough to gain my own self-respect and recognition. Intellectually knowing this, as an emotional flaw, has never been sufficient to tame the voices of an unforgiving taskmaster. If it were not for the healing principals of a twelve step program, a loving wife and the inner expression of my art I suspect I would have passed on a long time ago. I have found my imperfect voice and have learned to forgive myself as well as others. If suffering and tragedy are the supposed incentive of all great art I’ve had more than my share. I do not feel the least bit sorry about my life because for every set back I was able to stumble upon a solution and for every void I found love and hope in an extended family that I hobbled together. In the end as untrustworthy self centered and fickle as people are it is through the experience of the love and friendship of a wonderful assortment of people that I’ve stumbled gracelessly along the way and eked out a life for which there has been my share of gratitude and joy.” -R Eller